what the fuck am i doing with my life. seriously, i need answers. i'm updating a page for a max of 2 people to read as the sun rises. AT MOST, 2 PEOPLE WILL READ THIS. AT MOST. and i'm here, just dedicating my fucking life to what, making it look nice? painfully filling out ALLLL the hyperlinks, bold tags, p tags, fucking-
i can't.
not like this.
not anymore.
i'm done. for now.
it doesn't matter anymore.
it never did.
it never will.
it NEVER will.
really? and everything else will fix itself, of COURSE it will.
maddy. wake up. this is the real world, not a perfect world where trouble gets thrown to the basement and magically fixed. this is a real world, where trouble gets thrown under the rug and looks really bad for literally everyone that knows you.
i fucking CANT anymore with this bullshit.
be realistic.
you always are, maddy.
this is insufferable.
if andy's such an asshole, why does he have it so good? fuck do i care about him.
i don't care about anything anymore.
i don't care about anyone anymore.
i want to stop feeling anything, even if for just a second.
make it an hour. a day. a year. my whole life.
well, boohoo, maddy.
no one cares. just go to sleep already.
no one cares about you and your stupid worries and thoughts and whatever-the-fuck. you're FINE, so stop playing the fucking victim.
you're not suppressing anything, you're MAKING SHIT UP.
JUST STOP BEING SUCH AN IDIOT, AND ACCEPT IT.
YOU ARE FINE.
YOU DON'T NEED HELP.
YOU NEVER DID.
NOW STOP THIS.
STOP EVERYTHING.
AND JUST
PROCEED
WITH
YOUR
PATHETIC
EXCUSE
OF
A
LIFE.
friends. you need friends, you fucking weirdo.
i don't.
what will friends be for, someone to talk to?
i don't need to talk to anyone.
i'm fine by myself.
i'm fine by myself.
i am FINE by MYSELF.
so just SHUT UP.
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...i'm sorry.
i didn't mean it. something came over me, i need sleep.
this neocities thing is taking a huge toll on me.
it's such a commitment that i am not ready for yet.
i'll take a break, and come back prepared.
come back knowing what to do.
come back sane.
this means i won't come back.
...
just kidding.
i'll be back.
someday.